PJ Underscore @PJ_@fullyautomatedluxurygayspacecommunism.party

I have no idea who I'm following on this site and which accounts are dead.

Someone asked the devil, "What if Santa Claus was a sexy divorcée?" and Paul Hollywood appeared full-grown in a tent in England.

I was stoned as hell when I wrote this, but I'll laugh if it happens.

@Adoxographer I'm obsessed with the ridiculous commercial she did. I unironically love everything she's doing with this.

my prognostication: Abbi Jacobson is going to primary Carolyn Maloney in 2020.

Doesn't matter how old and cynical I get, I'm still a sucker for a Gaga bridge.

Google is a terrifying company, but the fact that they've absorbed every drop of my life for ten years means they can translate the backwards way my brain stores information into a usable form:

@PJ_ they're on squirrels now

My boyfriend has sacrificed his laptop to finch videos to keep Murray from torturing him. Murray keeps looking behind the screen like, "Where the hell are they?"

@AudreyJune When I was younger, my online friends saved my life. No exaggeration.

@cjwyoming Never worn.

I'm going to start attaching cards that say "Thank you for being a friend." on every gift I give from now on. I'm kind of pissed that that's not already standard operating procedure.