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Someone asked the devil, "What if Santa Claus was a sexy divorcée?" and Paul Hollywood appeared full-grown in a tent in England.

I was stoned as hell when I wrote this, but I'll laugh if it happens.

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my prognostication: Abbi Jacobson is going to primary Carolyn Maloney in 2020.

Doesn't matter how old and cynical I get, I'm still a sucker for a Gaga bridge.

The builders of the Tower of Babel did nothing wrong

Google's panopticon 

Cat being cute 

meta 

I'm going to start attaching cards that say "Thank you for being a friend." on every gift I give from now on. I'm kind of pissed that that's not already standard operating procedure.

In other news: Miles from the Golden Girls was a fucking garbage piece of shit and Rose could do way better.

The moral of Planet of the Apes is that if you crash land on a planet where everyone is speaking English that should probably be your first clue that you're on Earth, asshole.

Sat up in bed this morning, biting my lip, feeling illegally homosexual.

Fortunato is stored in the walls.

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